Continued from TFLN

[miracling]

Aziraphale always feels that it's the rare bad day which can't be improved by good food, good wine and good company, and to his mind that makes his dining establishments of choice as much a blessing to Earth as any more direct angelic influence. Who wouldn't be cheered up by a sumptuous meal and impeccable service? Even demons in a foul mood, which Crowley certainly seems to be, though Aziraphale is used to his snapping and not a bit troubled by it. He has their table ready, just as promised (he really does think of it as their table, after all this time, and on the occasions when Aziraphale dines here alone he has himself seated elsewhere, because the same table without Crowley slouched on his left just doesn't feel right) with a sympathetically large pour of single malt scotch at each of their places to get them started, and a beautiful Cheval Blanc on order.

All very lovely; he smooths his lapels, turns a blossom in a vase on the table just so, and hopes that Crowley remembers to miracle away the smell of seal before he arrives.

Comments

[miracling]

"I think that's an excellent idea," Aziraphale said with a nod: getting drunk, he meant. It wasn't as though they couldn't sober up again whenever they wished, and great quantities of good scotch or wine usually had a cheering effect. Which, by all appearances, was already taking hold. Returning Crowley's smile with a rather pleased one of his own, he clinked their glasses together and tilted his at his lips.

"Oh, yes, well." Reminded of his own complaint, Aziraphale gave a little huff of a sigh. "You won't believe it, really. I received an, er, an e-mail from some local school matron asking if I would sell some Grimm tomes--well, I hated to disappoint her, but of course I had to demur. Can you imagine it, Crowley? Schoolchildren, touching my books?" He shuddered. "She even asked for a discount."

[mafia_queen]

Crowley leaned back, and put his full attention on the angel before him. It wasn't hard, honestly. There was nothing better than getting Aziraphale on a rant about customers. It really did bring out the 'little bit of a bastard' in the principality before Crowley, and he found the angry tension moving through his vessel start to lessen.

"Please tell me you told her that every Grimm you had was a first edition and worth more than her students college educations?" He grinned, taking another sip of whiskey. "Hold on, wait, since when do you ignore orders over email?"

[miracling]

He gave Crowley a little smile and resisted the urge to wriggle slightly under the demon's regard. "Yes, I may have said something along those lines. They are first editions, you know, at least most of them." And the others were still beautiful in their own right, and children tended to have such grubby hands...oh, it didn't bear thinking about.

"Ah, yes, that." Taking a quick sip from his own glass, Aziraphale sat up straighter, in the manner of someone preparing to deliver interesting news. He was rather proud of this. "Listen to this, Crowley. Did you know, there's a page, er, a web-site called eBay? There was someone in the shop a month ago who started talking about it, and he was being very unpleasant, as though my collection wasn't good enough--well, of course I didn't sell him anything, but I got curious and went to the library, and you wouldn't believe the things you can find there..."

He went on in this vein for a few minutes, describing collections of books he'd gotten from people's estate sales and how he'd miracled away several bidding wars. "And you must have an e-mail to win auctions, you see, so the long and short of it is--I now have a computer!"

[mafia_queen]

Crowley grinned wickedly, before he saluted Aziraphale with his glass. "Proud of you, angel. Putting first editions before the education of the mass of sticky children everywhere."

He sipped again, listening to the angel's news, because it was absolutely news, on eBay. He rolled his eyes a little, Yes, of course he had heard of eBay. That's where he should have stayed when he was buying plant food, honestly -

"Hold on, hold on ... you got a computer so you can make bids on books - on eBay? You?" Crowley shook his head, "I practically had to twist your arm off to get you a mobile phone. Now look at you, head to head with eBay trolls."

bah, tenses

[miracling]

Crowley's understanding on the subject of sticky children was much appreciated. Aziraphale could always count on him.

"Trolls? No, there aren't any trolls, I'm quite sure of it. They're just people." Aziraphale was not what you'd call down with the lingo of today's youth. "But it does get rather vicious, you know, bidding on things. I did try it on the mobile," he added defensively, "but I wasn't quick enough, and after I miracled four or five auctions in my favor I started feeling that I wasn't being a very good sport."

Not that he hadn't miracled any others since then (Aziraphale wasn't a very fast computer typist, either) but only the ones he really, really wanted.

Re: bah, tenses

[mafia_queen]

Crowley snorted softly into his glass, before he gave Aziraphale a wry look.

"Not actual trolls. Like, people who sit on the internet and complain about everything and cause fights. Those are trolls. They are especially prolific when they are trying to purchase something you want." He gave the waiter a smile as salads were put before them - the angel did know what he liked. Another chuff followed. "Yeah, only you would feel like a bad sport winning auctions against mouth breathers more obsessed with owning books than enjoying them."

Honestly, what was the point of anything if you didn't enjoy the Hell out of it? He'd give it to Aziraphale - at least he read his books instead of keeping them in glass coffins.

[miracling]

"Oh. Oh, I see. I've never heard that term before." Aziraphale frowned in thought, picking up a salad fork and dithering with it instead of digging right in. If Crowley knew about internet-speak, perhaps he could clear up some other points of confusion the angel had. "And, erm, what do you suppose it means when they type D-I-A-F? At first I thought it stood for 'done in a flash,' but they seem to use it in rather a rude context, like it's some sort of insult."

Pausing, he speared a forkful of salad greens and brought it to his mouth. It wasn't his favorite part of the meal--that, of course, would be dessert--but the Ritz did everything nice, from the champagne vinaigrette dressing the salad to the warm crunchy bits of candied pecans.

"Well, but they deserve their fair shot." Though Aziraphale was doubtful even as he said it. Crowley made an excellent point about people who simply owned books instead of reading them, as though they were just a bit of background decor.

[mafia_queen]

"Yeah, there's a lot of phrases you're going to have to learn to - " Something in Crowley's face suddenly went sharp, as his eyes narrowed behind his sunglasses, "And just who precissssely told you to DIAF?"

No one told his best friend to go die in a fire. He'd bloody well cut off their wi-fi for a month, do some real damaging evil to their online profiles, the little punks. He huffed and cut into his salad with sharp, almost stabbing motions. The taste soothed his aggravated nerves.

"Not if they're going to be little shits about it. Have half a mind to outbid them on everything they go for. Just to be a wanker."

[miracling]

Oh dear. He supposed by that reaction that it really was a most impolite thing to say. "Oh, I don't know their real names," Aziraphale said, reaching out to pat Crowley's arm reassuringly. "They all have silly handles, you know, 'biteme69' and that sort of thing. It's probably not worth the effort of pursuing." He could always find out himself, if it came to it. Surely Aziraphale was perfectly capable of handling internet spats, even if he didn't understand all the acronyms.

"The salad is lovely, isn't it?" he went on brightly, attempting to divert Crowley from planning dreadful fates upon his eBay opponents. "I adore these little bits of endive, such a zesty taste."

[mafia_queen]

Crowley gave him a sideways look, one that clearly said, 'I know you're fibbing so I don't go and turn those bidders into splats on the ground, but I'm letting you get away with it.' He didn't object the hand on his arm at all. "Right. Well. Probably not. Anyways, so you know for future -- Die In A Fire."

He muttered under his breath as he took another bite of salad. "Might want to mention you know someone who dabbles with fire professionally, is all."

Another sideways look, but a faint smile followed. "I like zest. Don't think much of your topic changing, but I like zest."

[miracling]

‘Die in a fire’? Well that really was astonishingly rude, not to mention a violent and completely unnecessary fate to wish on a mere eBay opponent. Aziraphale swallowed his indignation so as not to get Crowley riled up again, though he was privately resolved to have strong words with the next so-called ‘troll’ who threw the acronym at him, and possibly have their account conveniently banned as well. It would be for the greater good, after all.

“That’s a good point, dear fellow. I’ll keep it in mind.” With the complacency of someone who could visit all sorts of dreadful fates on his enemies if he wished to (and whose friends could as well) Aziraphale gave Crowley’s arm a final pat and went back to his meal. He met Crowley’s sidelong look with a smile. “I do as well, but I’m really looking forward to a bit of dessert. They had an orange blossom panna cotta on the menu, did you see it? It sounded truly delectable.”

[mafia_queen]

Crowley took a big bite of his salad, enjoying how all the tastes melded together into something completely delightful in his mouth. Chewed, slowly, savoring it, before following with a sip of his scotch.

"Cheers." He nodded his head, before he went to take another bite of salad. He couldn't help but smile at the pat on the arm - time was that the angel wouldn't dare touch him. Now look at him, all best-friendy. "Sounds good. Guessing so good that we're not sharing?"